Angry Birds?

I'm sitting on a train home from NYC and the closing show of the plays I was costume mistress-ing next to my father who is playing angry birds and putting his phone in my face so I can hear either the birds or the pigs rejoice. Meanwhile my mother is reading about Charlie Sheen.

Also... my father is questioning the specific uses of different birds.

So answer this... why did I just download it on my phone? My life is so weird.

There's also someone behind me who seems to be breathing through some sort of device. And now the birds are angry-er. Well apparently they are bc they just squawked instead of cheered. Why do I know the difference between those 2 sounds.

Uggggg I have to pee & I really have no interest teetering over the toilet while the train attempts to toss me back out into the aisle. Please let us arrive soon! I'm about to bust out the angry birds as a distraction...

Internet Killed the FacetoFace Star.

I can't deny it. I'm as obsessed with Facebook and other internet connection sites as the next person. Hence me putting my whole life out there for you lovely folks to read. But when does it become too much???

Yesterday at the gym I ran into someone who I grew up with, heck he was my boyfriend in the 4th Grade! And even after that, in high school we were close friends. And, a little over three months ago, he had a field day commenting on some of my Facebook pictures. And responded back when I posted back. But when I saw him at the gym yesterday, I didn't even get a head nod. I got an eyebrow jump. I followed up with "Hey, how are you?" but didn't get any response.

Ok I'll give him that he had his earbuds in, but still... you can see my lips moving! Have we become that desensitised of a community that you can interact with me until the cows come home on the interenet but when it comes to face to face time I get an eyebrow jump? That's it???

What is this world coming to that people connect without really connecting? They connect through a keyboard. What is that? Soon people are going to get off from typing!

This happened to me before, when I was on a dating site. I "talked" to a few guys, even got to phone call level with a few of them. But when it came to meeting up they froze up. I ended up only face to face dating one guy, after being on the site for a year. None of the others manned up to getting a piece of this hot Janice action. They were more comfortable getting a piece of their key board action. In my opinion that's not ok.

So from that I discovered what I'm giving up for Lent & no ones going to like it. I'm giving up texting. Eeee that scares me just to say. I'm going to CALL YOUR ASS if you text me. The funny thing is, I'll add like an hour of free time to my day because instead of going back and forth back and forth for an hour... I'll call you and get the conversation over with in 30 seconds. What b****es!!!!???? What are you gonna do now!!

you're going to have to actually... GASP!... talk to me. We need more face time in this world, because otherwise the computers are going to take over the world. Like Watson on Jeopardy. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I just want to wear a bikini!! COME ON!!!

Growing up my mom always used to tell me to get into shape "now" because once you get older it’s not as easy to shed those pounds. I’m only 27 but last night, I almost had a Crying Game shower after the gym. I’ve been working out for almost 3 months, 3!!! And I’ve lost 2 pounds. 2!!!!! I’m so frustrated. I don’t eat poorly, I mean I usually have a salad for at least one meal a day and I avoid carbs. So what am I supposed to do?

Do I have to completely stop eating anything with flavor in it? Maybe just stop eating in general? I’m well aware that it’s a “life change” not just a temporary change. I’ve been there and done that and gained every pound back. So I’m trying. I’m trying to change the life. Trying to change the eating habits. Working out reguarly and eating a lot more fruits and veggies. What else can I do? Seriously...

People out there who have been thin all their lives have no idea what it’s like. And without whining I’m going to try and explain it. This is what being overweight has been like for me. It’s been years and years of looking at other girls and feeling hurt. Hurt that God decided to give me a life long struggle while giving them a free pass. If I want to be comfortable in my own skin I have to survive on a diet of lettuce & red peppers and they get to eat whatever they want. If I want to be thin I have to sacrafice constantly.

How can I explain it better... It’s like when you see someone with something that you really want and you get that feeling of envy. It's like that, every day, all the time. It’s going out and being witty and charming and super cute, but not getting any attention because your friends waist line could fit a rubber band around it. It’s praying for will power and crying for strength. It’s living pound by pound and self judging everything you put in your mouth. It’s never finding clothes that you actually feel comfortable in. It’s loving yourself but not the package you come in.

Now there are a lot of people out there who may now be saying… If you’re so miserable do something about it. Well I’m not miserable, not all the time. I’ve become numb to it all. It’s just a part of my life now. And, like I said above I’m trying to do something about it. And I don’t know where to go from here. This isn’t me trying to invite you all to my pity party, I’m sincerely just trying to get you to understand where chubby girls like me are coming from when we get defensive that you say “oh my God I’m so fat.” Cause screw you, you have no idea.

I know everyone has their own insecurities and I respect yours. But when you’re obviously not overweight & you complain about it… I want to punch you in the face. Because you have no idea what it’s like to wish to turn just a few heads, and know that you haven’t.

This post got a lot more wallow-y than I meant for it to. But if anybody has any cheap ideas for losing weight, please let me know. I’m struggling here... I’m about to get one of those new Wendy’s Asiago Burgers. I mean have you seen the commercial!! It looks scrumptious!!

You might think I'm schizophrenic after reading this one...

I feel like all I do is laundry!!! Does anyone else feel like that? My friends are going out on the town or getting married and having babies and I’m doing laundry during Grey’s Anatomy. (A show that I don’t even enjoy as much anymore but for some reason can’t give up. What’s that about?)

There is a reason that I do so much laundry & it’s the schedule that my life has become.

7:00 AM – Wakey wakey eggs & baky

9:00 AM – chill with Layah.

4:30 PM – Time to work on the pecks…

Oh. My. God. I just realized that I’m Jersey Shore trash. I could hang out with them and fit in except that I have logic they know not of. But, I GTL. I go to the gym. I sometimes tan. And then I do laundry. The only difference between me and them is wine on the couch instead of in a club and my comebacks are usually witty. But they can be funny. And not just laugh at them funny, sometime their confessional stuff is hilarious.

Please don’t tell my parents they’ll be so ashamed.

I guess I have something they don’t. I’m trustworthy with someone else’s child which I’m not even sure if one of those boys knocked me up if I’d trust them with the baby. Maybe Vinny – he’s seems pretty put together.

There’s your new reality show MTV. Throw a baby into the mix at the Jersey shore house. Hilarity would ensue.

But anyway, that’s why I do so much laundry. Because I work out & don’t have enough workout clothes to get me through the week so I have to wash them like every other day. What’s even worse is that my workout pants are starting to slip off me. Now you’re thinking – yay you go girl! But not really, because I have no money to buy new clothes. Time for some Wal Mart shopping.

Have you ever noticed that no matter where you are, you could walk into a Wal Mart in the middle of the East Village, hell in Paris, if they had them there and you would see a redneck.

I  know this post is ridiculous… I didn’t know what to talk about today so I decided to talk a little bit about everything. Holler!!!!!

Regrets for Dummies

In my infinite coolness last night I was catching up on Monday nights DVRs so that we can fit Tuesday night’s recordings. Please, Paris stop inviting me out on weeknights, my schedule is just too full. Anyway, I watched Monday’s Being Human and it got me to thinking. The one character is a ghost and in usual paranormal fashion she’s “stuck” on earth because she has unfinished business. So, what would mine be? Would I have any? If I died tomorrow, what would keep me here? There are a few things.

The first would be a best friend from High School who, just because they weren’t the person I created in my head, I kind of turned on them. They made bad decisions and since I was on my high horse I told them they were disgusting for doing so. Who the hell was I to ever judge someone that harshly? Who was I? I was little miss not so perfect living in a WB bubble. No, Janice, Dawson’s Creek isn’t real and no matter how much you love your best friend they are never going to meet up to the expectations you’ve created in your mind. I’m sorry to him, I’m sorry that I let my own issues cloud my judgment and it was, in many ways the end of our friendship. But mostly I regret not being home the night that you came to my house & sat on my front steps needing to talk. I regret going out with my friends after the show that night, so that my parents were the ones that found you. And I regret that you went home that night without someone to talk to. It’s stupid, cause I didn’t know you were coming, but I wish I could have been there for you. It’s 10 years too late, but I’m sorry.

I regret having sex with the owner of Wendys. Well not really. My first boyfriend shared a name with the front man for the chain. It was my 22^nd birthday, I was drunk & I was stupid. I lost my virginity in my parent’s basement to a guy who dumped me a week later. I might as well have just done it at 16, why the hell did I wait so long? It could have been the exact same scenerio! The worst part about it all is that I didn’t even really like him, I just thought it was time. I waited so long for no reason at all. Stupid. That wouldn’t keep me here though, except maybe to haunt his ass for like a day. Yeah, it was a dick move to dump me a week later (after calling me like, errr, once!) but I helped him along in that decisions. I may have cried and asked him if he was going to disappear on me afterward. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah… see that’s why he’d only be punished for a day. You would probably run from that too.

I guess it’s refreshing to me that besides those few things I don’t think I’ll have many other regrets to keep me here. Maybe not giving my acting a chance but the more I think about it the more I’m not sure it was ever for me. I watch celebs and I wish I could be them, but do I really? Because, if I really wanted to, I’d be out there auditioning. Yes I’m scared of rejection (ummm lost my V-card only to be dumped a week later!) but is that really anything to hold me back. Maybe I’m just lazy. Not lazy, doesn’t get off the couch but work lazy. I don’t know. Can you regret something you just didn’t do? Not didn't do it because I was scared or broke or whatever, you just didn't do it. Now I’m rambling.

Remind me to tell all my boy stories one day though… the amount of times I’ve been walked away from cause I acted like a crazy person is some funnnnny sh*t.

My lameness can't get much worse...

Please don't think I'm wallowing. I'm not wallowing, I'm stating absolute facts. Fox News would agree.

How exciting! Don't you think? My own blog... I'm learning as I go, so bare (bear?) with me. I think the title fits me in a self depricating way. Very schique. I just spelled that wrong. How do you spell it?

Here I am, in my twin bed, in an 8 by 11 room across the hall from my parents. So gross. I love them, no lie. And to be honest they're a lot like living with roommates, but really? Really? I'm 27!!! Sure there are some extenuating circumstances. A. the job I  had before I moved out of the country was a traveling one - it would have been stupid & fiscally irresponsible to move out then. B. I just moved back from Scotland. And 3. I want to be successful in a struggling career. IV. I have student loans coming out my a**.

So how does an out of shape 27 year old living with her parents, deep in student loan debt, with a very heavy televisions schedule (that she watches with Mom!) not end up a dog lady? I don't know, I'm sure I have no idea to save myself right now.

This blog is... what is this blog? This is the way I'm going to vent my frustrations about life & laugh at the crazy sh*t that happens and maybe, hopefully entertain a few people along the way. Because right now I am ridiculous. My life is ridiculous. Ridiculously pathetic. And though I absolutely don't mind the fun that comes with the ridiculous, I'm ready for some more stability. Even that sounds boring. Maybe more financial stability with just a bit of adventure.

February 15, 2011.
Employment: Monday - Friday caretaker of my cousin's super cute baby daughter.
Career related employment: Unpayed (but gratifying) costume mistress for a friends show in the city.
Weight: 189 (oh yeah I totally just outed my weight for the entire world to see!)
Workout regime: Eliptical for a least an hour while watching SVU, NCIS, Millionaire Matchmaker or Tabatha's Salon Takeover.
Food Intake: Holding on by threads of lettuce covered in feta, sunflower seeds & craisens.

Stay tuned... let's see what happens.