This is Why it Bothers me When you Call yourself "Fat"

It's come to my attention that people may not understand why it is that "overweight" people get so bent out of shape when someone who is fit, or for all intents and purposes, thin, starts talking about their weight.

I would like to preempt this by saying that I am well aware that everyone has their own insecurities, everyone is their own worst critic and everyone has their own weight that they are comfortable at. All things I fully understand. But just don't talk about things regarding your weight in front of me.

Here's why.

When my thin friends start calling themselves fat, or saying how big their stomach is, or look at a picture of themselves and say 'God I look huge' what I hear is "Janice, you're disgusting."

I am well aware that this does not make very much sense. Let me try to break it down a little more.

You don't have 2 kind of big stomach rolls when you sit down, your tummy is pretty much flat.
You don't have to worry about bringing a sweater because your embarrassed by your arm flub.
You can wear shorts.
You can leave a store without trying something on to make sure it fits properly, because it will.

So when you say that you think that you look gross, I can't help but wonder, I can't help but feel like, you must be completely disgusted by me.

Logically I know this is my own insecurities, but it's a gut reaction. An automatic reaction. If my skinny, beautiful, can eat whatever she wants friend thinks that she looks bad in that photo, then what must I look like to her? What must I look like to everyone else here? Standing next to this beauty and she looks awful? I must look like the Jaba the Hut!

I'm not trying to say that anyone's insecurities are more important than others. But if you've never been overweight and had ALL of society judge you because of it, you cannot understand how I feel.

When I was in middle school we were getting off the bus when a friend asked me what I was doing after school. From behind me, my bully replied "eating." So just because I wasn't super tiny like the rest of the girls in my class, I went home and ate every night. Do you know what I actually did? I played outside with my friends. Rode my bike. Played man hunt. Some kickball. Hop scotch. Jump rope. That's what I did after school. Yet a lot of people assumed that when I went home I buried my face in a bucket of cheese balls. (Nope, that's just once a year at my 4th Day Retreat, thank you very much.)

I have been doing kickboxing and working out at least 3 times a week for about 9 months now. My father still thinks he would last longer in a class or on a jog than me. Just because I have some extra pounds. He doesn't say this cruelly, and maybe he's just in denial because he'll be knocking on 60 doors in a few years. I don't know, but why would he just assume?

For the same reason that kids picked on me when I was a kid. And it sticks with you. Maybe that's what it really comes down to...

When you, who are thin and gorgeous with "normal" body proportions, call yourself fat, it's just another way of picking on me. And you don't even know it. If you really do look fat, God, what must I look like?

I don't even want to think about it. I might resort to eating every day after work.