What Is Happy?

I don't know. All I got is what's happy for me. And right now happy is working long days with people that make me laugh, cry and scream.

What is sad? I really don't know. Isn't it funny that it's the times when your most stressed that you miss people. You have no time for them but you want them.

I have a note for you, if you read this. I miss you. I miss having a someone all the time. And it wont work for you to continue to be that someone because you're moving on and I'm moving on (much slower, but still) and if I talk to you often it reminds me that you have a new life that doesn't include me. And isn't that the worst of it? Isn't that the part that just aches in the pit of your stomach? And I'm happy for you that you're on this new adventure, but I'm sad for me because you're doing it without me.

And maybe that's it. Maybe that's why I miss you so much these last few months. Not just because I'm busy and stressed and need a soft place to land but because I'm happy and I want to share it with you.

It's these times that make me forget all the logical, smart, right reasons that we said goodbye. It's times like this that make me want to call and say "one more time."

But I know it's not right and I know it wont work.

But you need to know, that I'm not ignoring you. It's self preservation.

Heavy for the first post in a month.

Heavy
Heavy
Heavy
Down
Down
Down

Sometimes I wonder if I'm going crazy lying in bed and I can't fall asleep and there's a noise I've never heard before creeping in my head.

creeping in my head.