I May Have had a Worse Week Than You, Click & See

Unless you cleaned up human fecal matter last night, I win.

Yeah I don't think I even need to go over the other crappy parts of my week. I'm pretty sure I win with cleaning up adult diarrhea.

I kind of knew it was coming. It happens at least once a season. Our patrons are all on the tail end of the life spectrum. So some of them have issues. And I feel for them. I really do. That must be awful. I'm not sure if I'll leave the house if I ever get to the point where I can't hold my shit in my butt anymore.

But damn. Damn. I do not get paid enough to clean up someone's poop. I'm sorry. That's just the plain and simple truth of the matter. Even the person's who's job it is to clean this space does not get paid enough to clean up human fecal matter.

Especially when, apparently, this individual felt an "attack" coming on and ran down the stairs to the bathroom, leaving a trail behind.

Yes. You read that correctly.

I could follow the poop crumbs to the bathroom stall where I was completely traumatized. I babysit children, I've wiped a lot of butts, but this was traumatic. I may need to go to meetings. Poop Cleaners Anonymous.

The volunteers offered to help. But they were all interns and apprentices and I could only imagine how well that would go over with the parents who paid for this program. "So I paid $$$ for this program and  you're cleaning up shit? Sue sue sue sue sue!"

So here I am, gloves, bleach spray, paper towels and garbage bag. Cleaning up human poop. Following trail, picking little pellets off the carpet. Scrubbing it out of the carpet in places.

When I worked for JBJ I had to scrub child pizza vomit out of carpet.

This. Was. Worse. I literally went catatonic at one point. Just staring. As the information was leaving the mouth of the volunteer, traveling through the air and entering my ears that someone had exploded in the men's room, my brain turned off.

Please don't think that I don't have sympathy for this man, who left the theatre in embarrassment, apologizing for what happened. I do. That must be humiliating. And I get not wanting to stick around when you are unable to help clean it up.

But what is truly humbling, is cleaning up that mess. And the truth is, I don't need to be humbled.

I know what I am. I know where my life is at. I get it. My blog isn't named Fabulous is the New Black. Not yet anyway.

I gotta do something. I gotta get out. I just want to go.

go.
go. go.

go.

away.

I think the summer does that to me. The summer and cleaning up human excrement.


Cowboy take me away.
Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue...

New Gyms are like New Relationships, only better.

Today I finally had a good great excellent amazing sign me up for more day at my new gym. I changed gyms not because my old gym and I had a falling out or anything, but just like with any relationship, my new gym had so much more to offer me and for only $10 bucks more per month.

So far this month I've only used the machines in the big work out room. But today I said, "Janice, you're going to use one of the reason you changed gyms today. So either Zumba at 9:30 AM or the pool. Make a choice." And since I didn't get home form work until midnight last  night, I opted for the non alarm setting option.

It was awesome. I did 15 laps, which is kind of ballin' since I haven't been in a pool for physical fitness purposes since Glasgow. Then I literally took 5 minutes deciding whether or not I wanted to climb out of the pool.

Some back story: I've never been able to climb out of pool gracefully like the other kids.

Ok, not a huge "story" there per say but there it is. When I tried back when I was a kid I could never ever do it and not look like a total tub. There were times I tried and either failed or times when (and I still have these horrific images of this happening) my friends would push me out of the pool by shoving my butt. Ugh. That's a life flashbacks I never needed to have.

So here I am, 29 years old, standing in the shallow end of the pool, deciding whether or not I want to potentially make a fool out of myself in front of a mother, her two children, 2 girls who teach swim lessons, one woman who was doing laps and was in no way paying any attention to me and the life guard. Literally. 5 minutes of me sitting there, playing with grate at the edge of the pool.

Finally I just went for it. And I did it. 13 year old Janice pats you on the back 29 year old Janice. Bravo.

Next goal? Do 30 consecutive laps & climb out of the pool on the deep end. Here we go.

I Guess I'm Not So Boring After All

I had big plans today. HUGE! Those plans included, but were not limited to, staying in bed and watching movies all day and then at some point cleaning the golf club.

But I wake up to a beautiful day and suddenly that's not an option! What is wrong with me? Why can't I just let myself have a nice lazy day?

Suddenly my day has transferred into cleaning my room, possibly painting a shelf, getting to the golf club, maybe going shoe shopping annnnnd working out.

Now I'm not saying that it's a bad thing that I don't have it in me to sit still. I'm just saying it's weird. It's very unlike me. It's... freakay.

I guess it's really not THAT unlike me. I mean the only times I really am OK with not moving off my bed is when I'm hungover. And since I'm not that I find it difficult to stay still. Oh yeah and I'm off the alcohol right now until camping at the end of the month. It's just for the best.

Ugh. I guess not being lazy is not something to complain about. Maybe I'm just searching for something to blog about. It has been a while since I've written anything.

Catch up?

The season opened at the theatre.
Gregor came to visit and it was awesome. It's just nice to catch up like no time has passed.
Because Gregor came this week was cray at work.
I tried a 7 day Shakeology challenge week where you replace one meal a day with a shake and eat healthy the other three meals. If it was just that I would have done lovely but I also wasn't allowed to coffee. COFFEE!!! Or any type of caffeine. I lasted 2 days. Turns out it's an addiction. Who knew?

Nothing else is super new. I'm rather boring. And right now, I'm ok with that...

As I was typing how boring I am, I was watching that MTV show Girl Code and they were discussing the lady doctor. I literally slammed my computer shut, leaped out of bed & screamed "I HAVE A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT IN FIFTEEN MINUTES!" I threw some pants on, grabbed a sports bra, gave myself a baby wipe shower & peaced!

I was there within 15 minutes, trying to play it cooooool. I'm sorry I'm late I've been running errands all morning... why no I didn't just get out of bed. That's cRaaaaaaZY!

I guess I'm not so boring after all.