The Blessing We Sometimes Curse

When I was living in Glasgow I was as independent as one can get. I walked places, alone, at night, always a little on my guard, just in case. What I did not do was call my mother whenever I got in at night. But still, when my family came to visit and stayed at a Bed and Breakfast three blocks from my flat, I was asked to call them when I got home. 

Now at the time, I rolled my eyes and said "Moooooom" and she still made me do it, knowing how ridiculous it was. And it was all because I was her baby and she knew when I left the B&B so she had to know when I was home safe and sound. 

Now I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, the concept of being worried about. I think it's been on my mind a little more lately because I've been laid off and I know that my friends and family worry about me a little. They really shouldn't because I have an amazing support system, like Spider Man's crazy strong webs, support system. 

But isn't that just nice? What a blessing, what an unbelievable blessing, that I have people who worry about me.

There are far too many people out there that don't have a core group of family and friends who genuinely care and henceforth, worry. And it really puts it's all in perspective. I am so unbelievably lucky.

I'm lucky that people keep asking me how I'm doing and what I am doing and how the job search is and whats new and how's my writing. Sometimes it sounds more like "Do you have your life together, YET?" but what it really is is people caring.

I'm lucky that there are individuals in my life who's brows furrow whenever they ask about my love life. (SINGLE. Still single.)

I'm lucky that my mother still peaks her head into my room in the AM after a particularly late night, and when I go "whaaaaaat?!?!!?" she responds with "just making sure..."

As infuriating as it can be, I'm lucky that I have a father who is prepared to go to battle with anyone who treats me poorly. Down Daddy, down. 

I'm lucky that I have friends who, for right now, will offer to pick up the tab.

I'm lucky that whenever we're out together and I'm chatting up some stud, my brother stands juuuuust close enough that it gives off the right impression, an impression of "I'm not with this girl, but this girl is important to me, so if you do anything I don't like I will pound you."

I'm lucky to get "when will you be home?" texts. (Even though 9 times out of 10 my plans have already been shared and apparently not remembered!) 

So, next time you find yourself rolling your eyes about someone "checking in on you" take a moment, take a breath and remind yourself...

There are too many people out there who never get a "just checking" text or a phone call "just because" so every single one of them are a blessing. It is a blessing to be worried about.

Maybe not for the worrier, but that's their problem, not mine :-P

What Now?

It's been a while since I've posted and a lot has changed. Remember when I said that I seem to write LESS the more pathetic my life actually is, and the irony in all that. Well it's true.

My life got pretty pathetic over the past 2 months.

I got laid off from my job and the "official" reason was because I cost more money to keep on the payroll than the other House Manager. But, if I can't be honest on my own damn blog where can I be, I don't really think that's why.

It's more drama than it's worth to actually get into everything that happened and frankly I really don't want to. But today I had an epiphany. Yes I am between jobs. Yes I'm collecting unemployment. Yes I'm still living at my parents. Yes my car is about to die a quick death, probably on the side of some road without shoulders or in the Wendy's drive through.

But gosh darn-it I am happy. I'm much happier than I was.

Losing my job was a blessing in disguise. It was time for me to move on from there and I wouldn't have on my own because I was comfortable. I was comfortable some place that didn't deserve me anyway, so I'm glad.

What do I have going on now? Well I don't know.

I'm doing a whole lot of dodging peoples questions about if I've found another job, that takes up about 35% of my day. Another 20% or so is spent working out, then I also keep my room pretty clean. There's the sleeping, that's pretty good. Working on the many writing pieces I've started and left abandoned. Oh, I've also got this awesome blog I've ignored for too long. I've also gotten a job with a few hours per week teaching art for after school programs in my town. I love it. I missed hanging out with kids.

I've interviewed for a Teaching Artist position at a local theatre and I'm waiting to hear back about that. And if I do get that I'm going to get a part time job somewhere, because that would not leave a whole lot of breathing room for me to get a full time gig at a  non profit.

Oh yeah, I'm trying to stay in the non profit margin, maybe even find something at a charity I support. Really, what I'd love to do is work for Garden State Equality or something. But that's neither here nor there, for right now I'm just waiting to hear back about that other job.

What the hell was that? I guess I'm not as good as I thought at dodging those questions about my job search.

Anyway, so, I allowed myself a wee break down the other day. Let it go on. Wondered around the house with red eyes and I'm pretty sure a little bit of dinner on my shirt. But as I snuggled down at the end of the day I told myself, I said "self, tomorrow is a new day and you will not be this person tomorrow."

So I brushed it off, got up, went to church, spent some good times with my family and reorganized my brain.

So what now? Well now I get to start my next chapter. Whatever the hell that may be.