Thursday, January 16, 2014

What Now?

It's been a while since I've posted and a lot has changed. Remember when I said that I seem to write LESS the more pathetic my life actually is, and the irony in all that. Well it's true.

My life got pretty pathetic over the past 2 months.

I got laid off from my job and the "official" reason was because I cost more money to keep on the payroll than the other House Manager. But, if I can't be honest on my own damn blog where can I be, I don't really think that's why.

It's more drama than it's worth to actually get into everything that happened and frankly I really don't want to. But today I had an epiphany. Yes I am between jobs. Yes I'm collecting unemployment. Yes I'm still living at my parents. Yes my car is about to die a quick death, probably on the side of some road without shoulders or in the Wendy's drive through.

But gosh darn-it I am happy. I'm much happier than I was.

Losing my job was a blessing in disguise. It was time for me to move on from there and I wouldn't have on my own because I was comfortable. I was comfortable some place that didn't deserve me anyway, so I'm glad.

What do I have going on now? Well I don't know.

I'm doing a whole lot of dodging peoples questions about if I've found another job, that takes up about 35% of my day. Another 20% or so is spent working out, then I also keep my room pretty clean. There's the sleeping, that's pretty good. Working on the many writing pieces I've started and left abandoned. Oh, I've also got this awesome blog I've ignored for too long. I've also gotten a job with a few hours per week teaching art for after school programs in my town. I love it. I missed hanging out with kids.

I've interviewed for a Teaching Artist position at a local theatre and I'm waiting to hear back about that. And if I do get that I'm going to get a part time job somewhere, because that would not leave a whole lot of breathing room for me to get a full time gig at a  non profit.

Oh yeah, I'm trying to stay in the non profit margin, maybe even find something at a charity I support. Really, what I'd love to do is work for Garden State Equality or something. But that's neither here nor there, for right now I'm just waiting to hear back about that other job.

What the hell was that? I guess I'm not as good as I thought at dodging those questions about my job search.

Anyway, so, I allowed myself a wee break down the other day. Let it go on. Wondered around the house with red eyes and I'm pretty sure a little bit of dinner on my shirt. But as I snuggled down at the end of the day I told myself, I said "self, tomorrow is a new day and you will not be this person tomorrow."

So I brushed it off, got up, went to church, spent some good times with my family and reorganized my brain.

So what now? Well now I get to start my next chapter. Whatever the hell that may be. 

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