Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Cookie Dough

Why is it so hard to re-convince your body to do things that are good for it. I have been off my strict regime for approximately 25 days and today was my first day easing back into eating better.

I haven't been completely off track but I have not been stopping myself from eating that 3rd slice of pizza either. (It's just so tasty!!!!)

And I definitely haven't kept up with my workouts either. I've gone on a few runs, done a few videos but really nothing to significant in comparison to before.

I know how much better I feel all around when I eat better and workout regularly, so why is it so very hard to get back into it?

It's also strange for me to think that it's only been a few weeks since Bridget's wedding. Since the incident of smexual schmasault. Since I descended into my dark place. A place that consists mainly of Jane Austen movies and pajama pants. But I climbed back out of it, as I always do. With a little help from self esteem boost and a swift kick in my own ass.

I was sad because I thought that I had lost something that never really existed. I re-read He's Just Not That Into You. Well the chapter(s) that directly related to my situation. And the one that was most pertinent was "He's Just Not That Into You If He Disappeared on You." It couldn't be any more clearer than that. Greg Berandt (the resident former douche bag author of the book) makes some very valid points regarding this:

1. Yes maybe his cat died. Yes maybe his dad got sick. Yes maybe all of the sudden work got real. fast. But do you really want the guy who can't take 30 seconds out of his "busy" life to shoot you a text to let you know what's up. Do you want the guy that doesn't think you're worth that?

I sure shit don't.

2. You want someone who will pursue you. No, you don't let them do all the work but it's nice to feel wanted. Don't let them get all that good feeling.

3. If a guy is interested in you  the way you deserve to be interested in, he will find you. No matter where no matter what.

And shit head knows where to find me.

So I've been working more on me these last few weeks. I re-opened my OK Cupid account. Which has been interesting. I've been hit on & begun a text thing with a 20 year old. That might be a train wreck waiting to happen. And I've realized I'm better than this person I was dissolving into.

I'm Janice F***ING McCrostie.

And maybe I will only be the awesome Aunt. But if that's my fate, I will be the awesome published Aunt. The one who's getting Oscar nods for their screen plays. The one with Pulitzers (ok that might be stretching it) The one with passion for herself and her work.

That's who I want to be. And as much as I love Lizzy Bennett and Anne Elliott they do not help me become that person.

I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking.