You know what's not a good look on me? Desperation. It's rare. But that ugly bitch rears her disgusting head every once in while. And on Sunday, I was desperate.
For some wine.
So when the numerous glasses of champagne I indulged in at a bridal shower earlier in the day did not quench my alcohol lust, I decided to make a run. And since we had no food in the house and I had high hopes for a week of healthy eating, I figured I would pop by the grocery store as well. At that, my mom offered me her card to get some stuff that the whole family would need.
So I get there. I even call my mom to say "Hey. What's the _____ sitch? Should I get some more?" and tell her that I'm going to put it on my card. We both realized at this point that she had forgotten to give me her's.
Meanwhile, in the produce aisle, the grocery store is mocking me. There are literally couples everywhere. It's date night at the deli counter.
"Oh honey, what kind of turkey should we get?"
"Silly, I hate munster cheese!"
"Should we get some more lettuce?"
"What should we have on Tuesday!"
"Oh you!!!"
I even witnessed a bit of a tiff regarding the type of veggies one couple was purchasing. Yes, pre-cut celery is a ripoff Sir, I agree with you!
Anyway so I get to the check out counter, ring up my load and realize that I do not have my card on me. All I have is $27 and big dreams. I had to do the good ole "can you put that back." beep. "and this." beep. "this too."
Until I had enough money. How embarrassing. And I don't embarrass easily.
When I got home, miffed and STILL without wine. I took it out the fridge (the mayo is still stuck to the cap of the jar from when an entire shelf fell mercilessly to the floor, when I may or may not have shoved the door a little too harshly).
Once the mayo rolled away (along with a couple of salad dressings now properly shaken), I dissolved into tears, took off my pants and climbed into my bed. Where I proceeded to work it all out on my pillow.
Eventually my mom came in and pointed out to me that none of this has anything to do with my lack of wine or my embarrassment at the check out counter and all to do with my discomfort in how comfortable I am.
And she's right.
She reminded me of when I was 26 years old at a job that could have held a bright future for me. A job that if I had stayed at would have paid off my loans by now and I would definitely not be living with mom and pop. A job that I had started to hate.
So, in her eyes, I did the bravest thing she could imagine... I moved to Scotland and went back to school.
My mom asked me where that girl went.
And she couldn't be more right. Where did that girl go? Because I like my job, but I'm comfortable. It's time for a change. It's time for something.
Which is hard because I genuinely love The Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey and I am proud to work for this company and be affiliated with the theatre we create. But it's not enough for my soul.
Because working here does not challenge me. And I'm most comfortable when I'm uncomfortable. Which is something I never recognized until these past few days.
So because I love these people I'm not going to disappear on them, but it's time to revamp this life of mine.
Starting with my bod. I've eaten better in these last 2 days than I have in a while and I'm staying active every day. The next step is to copyright 2 of my plays and start submitting them. The third is to work on some of my novels. I have like 5 started just hanging out in my computer like "yo, Janice? Are we even friends anymore? You don't call, you don't write?" LITERALLY.
So I didn't actually breakdown in the produce aisle. I did wait until I was in the privacy of my own kitchen, give me that. It may have made for a better blog post, but really people... throw me a frickin' bone here.
Ok I have to go practice drawing a sword for the scene I have to perform in 2 hours. So, yeah not with a pencil, like from my hip. Like a Knight or some shit. This should end well...
For some wine.
So when the numerous glasses of champagne I indulged in at a bridal shower earlier in the day did not quench my alcohol lust, I decided to make a run. And since we had no food in the house and I had high hopes for a week of healthy eating, I figured I would pop by the grocery store as well. At that, my mom offered me her card to get some stuff that the whole family would need.
So I get there. I even call my mom to say "Hey. What's the _____ sitch? Should I get some more?" and tell her that I'm going to put it on my card. We both realized at this point that she had forgotten to give me her's.
Meanwhile, in the produce aisle, the grocery store is mocking me. There are literally couples everywhere. It's date night at the deli counter.
"Oh honey, what kind of turkey should we get?"
"Silly, I hate munster cheese!"
"Should we get some more lettuce?"
"What should we have on Tuesday!"
"Oh you!!!"
I even witnessed a bit of a tiff regarding the type of veggies one couple was purchasing. Yes, pre-cut celery is a ripoff Sir, I agree with you!
Anyway so I get to the check out counter, ring up my load and realize that I do not have my card on me. All I have is $27 and big dreams. I had to do the good ole "can you put that back." beep. "and this." beep. "this too."
Until I had enough money. How embarrassing. And I don't embarrass easily.
When I got home, miffed and STILL without wine. I took it out the fridge (the mayo is still stuck to the cap of the jar from when an entire shelf fell mercilessly to the floor, when I may or may not have shoved the door a little too harshly).
Once the mayo rolled away (along with a couple of salad dressings now properly shaken), I dissolved into tears, took off my pants and climbed into my bed. Where I proceeded to work it all out on my pillow.
Eventually my mom came in and pointed out to me that none of this has anything to do with my lack of wine or my embarrassment at the check out counter and all to do with my discomfort in how comfortable I am.
And she's right.
She reminded me of when I was 26 years old at a job that could have held a bright future for me. A job that if I had stayed at would have paid off my loans by now and I would definitely not be living with mom and pop. A job that I had started to hate.
So, in her eyes, I did the bravest thing she could imagine... I moved to Scotland and went back to school.
My mom asked me where that girl went.
And she couldn't be more right. Where did that girl go? Because I like my job, but I'm comfortable. It's time for a change. It's time for something.
Which is hard because I genuinely love The Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey and I am proud to work for this company and be affiliated with the theatre we create. But it's not enough for my soul.
Because working here does not challenge me. And I'm most comfortable when I'm uncomfortable. Which is something I never recognized until these past few days.
So because I love these people I'm not going to disappear on them, but it's time to revamp this life of mine.
Starting with my bod. I've eaten better in these last 2 days than I have in a while and I'm staying active every day. The next step is to copyright 2 of my plays and start submitting them. The third is to work on some of my novels. I have like 5 started just hanging out in my computer like "yo, Janice? Are we even friends anymore? You don't call, you don't write?" LITERALLY.
So I didn't actually breakdown in the produce aisle. I did wait until I was in the privacy of my own kitchen, give me that. It may have made for a better blog post, but really people... throw me a frickin' bone here.
Ok I have to go practice drawing a sword for the scene I have to perform in 2 hours. So, yeah not with a pencil, like from my hip. Like a Knight or some shit. This should end well...
OH Mama~ I feel you- I really do- I've broken down at the grocery store before- FO REAL! Tears and all...different story but I still feel you women. And most nights wine is the only thing that brings me any comfort.... alcoholic? maybe a little .... ;) But you have to do whats right for you. An artist needs to feed her soul- I totally understand that empty feeling... FEED IT! And when your soul is satisfied, your heart ( and your tummy) will be too...
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