Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Regrets for Dummies

In my infinite coolness last night I was catching up on Monday nights DVRs so that we can fit Tuesday night’s recordings. Please, Paris stop inviting me out on weeknights, my schedule is just too full. Anyway, I watched Monday’s Being Human and it got me to thinking. The one character is a ghost and in usual paranormal fashion she’s “stuck” on earth because she has unfinished business. So, what would mine be? Would I have any? If I died tomorrow, what would keep me here? There are a few things.

The first would be a best friend from High School who, just because they weren’t the person I created in my head, I kind of turned on them. They made bad decisions and since I was on my high horse I told them they were disgusting for doing so. Who the hell was I to ever judge someone that harshly? Who was I? I was little miss not so perfect living in a WB bubble. No, Janice, Dawson’s Creek isn’t real and no matter how much you love your best friend they are never going to meet up to the expectations you’ve created in your mind. I’m sorry to him, I’m sorry that I let my own issues cloud my judgment and it was, in many ways the end of our friendship. But mostly I regret not being home the night that you came to my house & sat on my front steps needing to talk. I regret going out with my friends after the show that night, so that my parents were the ones that found you. And I regret that you went home that night without someone to talk to. It’s stupid, cause I didn’t know you were coming, but I wish I could have been there for you. It’s 10 years too late, but I’m sorry.

I regret having sex with the owner of Wendys. Well not really. My first boyfriend shared a name with the front man for the chain. It was my 22nd birthday, I was drunk & I was stupid. I lost my virginity in my parent’s basement to a guy who dumped me a week later. I might as well have just done it at 16, why the hell did I wait so long? It could have been the exact same scenerio! The worst part about it all is that I didn’t even really like him, I just thought it was time. I waited so long for no reason at all. Stupid. That wouldn’t keep me here though, except maybe to haunt his ass for like a day. Yeah, it was a dick move to dump me a week later (after calling me like, errr, once!) but I helped him along in that decisions. I may have cried and asked him if he was going to disappear on me afterward. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah… see that’s why he’d only be punished for a day. You would probably run from that too.

I guess it’s refreshing to me that besides those few things I don’t think I’ll have many other regrets to keep me here. Maybe not giving my acting a chance but the more I think about it the more I’m not sure it was ever for me. I watch celebs and I wish I could be them, but do I really? Because, if I really wanted to, I’d be out there auditioning. Yes I’m scared of rejection (ummm lost my V-card only to be dumped a week later!) but is that really anything to hold me back. Maybe I’m just lazy. Not lazy, doesn’t get off the couch but work lazy. I don’t know. Can you regret something you just didn’t do? Not didn't do it because I was scared or broke or whatever, you just didn't do it. Now I’m rambling.

Remind me to tell all my boy stories one day though… the amount of times I’ve been walked away from cause I acted like a crazy person is some funnnnny sh*t.

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