Monday, August 8, 2011

Shame is for Wussies!!!

I don't really know who this new Janice is that likes to get into fights when she's wasted, and I don't necessarily hate her because she can hold her own. I just wish she showed up when I was sober so that people don't think I'm the crazy drunk.

In life I have a really low bullshit tolerance, I just usually keep it to myself and walk away. So I guess when those inhibitions are low, so is my ability to keep my damn mouth shut. Uggggg.... ok backstory.

I had been drinking since, errrr, maybe 1:30ish. It's Children's Day. That's everyones perogative. I had eaten, I'd even hydrated. It's a drinkydrink day. And I don't have kids yet, so I'm going to let myself go. It's one, out of a very few days a year, that I let myself get this bad, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

So we ended up at an old friends house where my brother & co. had brought a cooler down. I added the beer that I brought and we went on living our merry lives. It was raining but I... A. lived in Glasgow for a year & B. was wasteface so I just stood there getting wet. I don't know why, but I kind of loved it. We hung out, played some beer pong, laughed a lot. Drank a lot more. I would say I was approx. 6 or 7 beers in at this point. Maybe more. But now it's also 7 or 8 o'clock at night, so I was holding my own, I thought.

But then this guy that we went to high school with & cannot seem to escape (nice enough guy, don't mind seeing him when I'm partying - but he has an opinion about everyone and is a d-bag with telling you. and it's like that - that's find dude but you don't know me so shut your cake hole) anyway, he had had beers in our cooler. But I had just opened it to double check before we left & knew who each of the beers belonged to, literally. Isn't that what happens when you're drunk? You make sure you know at which location your future beer is? Sad but true.

Anyway he was claiming the beers were his. And I tried to calmly explain "Hey, I just checked, they're all ours. They're coming with us to the concert. The cooler belongs to my family, yadda yadda." But he just likes to push buttons. And he pushed ALL my buttons when he sat on the cooler and said that we weren't taking his beer. Again, I guess I can give him props bc he was doing exactly what I was, making sure he knew where his next beer was coming from.

We went back & forth like this for a while, "Get up" "No" "Get up now asshole" "No." Finally I flipped the table. Those of you who are not familiar with the table flip are obviously 1. not from NJ and 2. don't watch Bravo's Real Housewives. Since it was a BBQ there was not an actual table to flip, but my switch went off. Thats for damn certain.

I leaned down right in his face (this is also when my brother shows up bc someone ran & got him like I can't take care of myself) and I say "_____ _____ get your fucking ass off of the cooler that has belonged to my family since you were a fetis. Then you can suck my c***!" And I stormed away past my brother and countless other 'spectators' at this point, and into the house cursing anyone else who got in my way (Except when I walked through the living room & saw Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire on, then I said "Oh hey, Harry Potter!")

So I got to the bathroom, cooled down a little bit, started apologizing to everyone in ear shot. Even those who didn't witness my debacle. And everyone kept saying that I was right and he was being an asshole and trying to get a rise out of me and he did. And some people were to scared to admit they saw it & were like "I don't know what you're even talking about, what happened? who are you?"

It was ridiculous. Right after I was more embarassed than anything else. But as the time passes I so overly don't care. He was being an asshole, I have no bullshit tolerance and he happened to wander into my path when my inhibitions were low. So the person who would normally be calm and figure it out took a vaca & table flipping Janice took her place.

Later that night some of my brother's friends were patting me on the back telling me they like a girl who "can take care of herself"

But how classy is telling someone to "suck your c***" I don't even have one!

The rest of the night dissolved into more beers for Janice, some salami & cheese from Franco, the concert. I played  beer pong at one point with a bunch of college kids. Way to drunk, I think I sunk one cup. I think I got into a playful fight with a kid I used to babysitt. I saw Benny McNeil which gave me the shock of my life, I know we caught up & chatted but I couldn't tell you what about. haha. I think we both decided Lindsay needs to come back for next years Children's Day.

Then one my very dear friends & her husband (one of which may be running for politcal office so they will remain nameless & therefore be in no way connected to my drunk tookis) took away my last beer, helped me dodge a shot of Grappa (sp?) from Franco and walked me home safe.

At which point much much much water was consumed & a hot dog eaten & more water. So on Sunday, there was no hangover. But a little shame, for a little while anyway. But that passed.

Oh. And I sliced my foot open on an broken beer bottle. That's where Jesus feet come in handy. Thick calluses = noooo blood. Somebody knows how to look on the bright side of a painful week of walking!

Anyway... another Children's Day gone, time to start planning for next year...

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