Sunday, August 14, 2011

Who Are You Being Strong For?

Who am I kidding? Myself mostly.

Here's the thing, I'm strong for you. You never see me broken. You never hear me say I miss you. You never see me sobbing into my pillow because I'm such a failure.

I stay strong for you. This facade that you see, is how tough I am.

And I will get over it all and when you see me tomorrow I'll be funny, goofy, self depricating Janice. Cause I'm badass, you know?

There is one time I let someone be strong for me, and that lasted about a week.

When I was little I remember my friends telling me I was a control freak & I got so offended. Me? Not me? So I tucked it away & never let it show again. That became my story for life. Tucking away the little parts of me that don't really matter & aren't who I want to be.

I didn't have an outlet in highschool, unless you count the coffee houses where I would sing the songs that explained how I felt. So I went inside & I'm not sure I ever came out. Not all the way anyhow.

Right now people who know me are thinking that this is all bull****. That I wear my heart on my sleeve & my emotions on my face. And that's partially true. I do that. But, you 'aint seen nothing yet.

I'm being strong for you, for all the things that happen in this life that aren't fair. And I stay away from the things that make me weak. Because that's a side of me I refuse to truly show.

And you may not even know it, but there's someone you're being strong for. Someone who you protect. And once you realize it, there's no going back.

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