Thursday, September 8, 2011

2nd to Last New Chapter(s) Day!!!

Only one more chapter and the epilogue. Prepare your tears of sadness now for no more new chapter days! I'll get some tissues for you...

Dockside
By Janice McCrostie


Chapter 19                                                                                                                             

When Maeve found Clare, she was just about to climb into her purple Saturn and head out to an old hiking area that she knew of to take some photos. But when the door to the beamer slammed, she knew her plans had just taken a turn.
"What's up?"
There were beads of sweat rolling down Maeve's face. In any other state in early August, that would be from the heat, but not here.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" Clare's eyes widened, she'd never officially heard her sister use that word. "How could you tell Keaten about Sam?"
Clare hadn't been expecting this, the son of a bitch had ratted her out. She'd told him that with the strict knowledge that if Maeve ever found out she would kill her. Now she was going to die.
"I thought he deserved to know the whole truth before he attempted anything. I thought he would understand the weight of things better." Her face squinched up in hope that the explanation would be enough.
"Do you even believe that line of crap?"
"Yeah, I mean yeah."
"This is just like you Clare, sticking your nose in other people’s business and screwing it up! Why don't you stick to ruining your own life!?"
That was a low blow.
"Well someone has to run your life Maeve, considering your just wasting it with your 'whoa is me' bullshit."
"Excuse me?"
"You mope around like the world is out to get you just because you've been hurt a few times... I have a diagnosis for you - GET OVER IT!" she pulled open the Saturn door.
"You know what Clare, you're a bitch. And you're also one to talk, the first time you actually feel something for someone you push them as far away as you can get them. I don't know why I even bothered trying to help him figure your wacked self out!"
"Oh oh! Oh oh! So you can talk about me with Jasper but I can't talk to Keaten about you?"
“It’s different and you know it Clare!” Maeve’s voice crack and she turned away from her sister and yanked the beamer door shut behind her.
In the dust that surrounded her Clare couldn’t help but notice the poetry. Again she was being blamed for breaking something that was broken to begin with.
“Nice. Amazing. Wonderful.” she muttered as she climbed into her driver’s seat. Now more then anything she need to clear her head.

Clare took the curve of the island road with ease. She’d been driving on this island since she was 13 and even though it had been nearly seven years since she had been down this particular road it felt like just yesterday. This was the road her grandmother had taken her down when she had gotten into a huge fight with her mother. They come around that very turn in the road when Gram pulled off.
“So would you like to tell me what’s going on with you and your mother?”
“I hate her.”
“You’re going to have to do better than that, every thirteen year old girl in history hates there mother.”
And Clare unloaded it all. How she never fit in with this family and how her mother never accepted her individuality. Who cares if she dyes her hair purple? What does it matter? Inside it was still Clare, just a little more colorful. But that was never good enough for mom.
Her grandmother just sat and listened, for hours Clare was sure now. She sobbed and screamed and if she remembers at one point took a swing at Gram for trying to comfort her.
The memory made Clare shudder and come back to the present. But it wasn’t in time. The hilly curve had come up much more quickly then she remembered and the car began to skid across the wet pavement. She unsuccessfully tried to regain control.
“Oh shit! Oh shit!”
Her Saturn hit the tree going a measly 25 miles per hour but it felt like 100. She didn’t move, why hadn’t her air bag deployed? Because she hadn’t gotten it fixed after her last fender bender. Was she bleeding? No. Her eyes cleared and she could see that the front right portion of the car was hugging the tree.
Clare took a deep breath and the air in the car was stale. She didn’t have it in her to turn the window knob, so she moved to pop open the door but it was already gone.
“You know it’s customary to hit the breaks when you come to a curve like that, especially in the rain.”
“Jasper.” Clare gasped and began to shake.
“It’s alright. Anything broken? Are you still in one piece?”
“I think so.” She put her hand to head. “My head hurts.”
“I would suspect so, what were you thinking?”
She made an attempt to glare at him for a moment, but her shaky demeanor and the genuine concern in his eyes softened her response.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
For a minute his face looked much like her fathers would have and she waited for him to lay into her about how stupid and irresponsible she had been.
“Ok, let’s get you out of here, shall we?”
He supported her with his right hand as he held the door open with the left. She staggered a bit when all her weight hit her legs. With one arm he held her.
“Sorry.” Clare whispered into his shoulder.
There was an intake of breath and Clare couldn’t help but notice that he had smelled her hair.
“Are you smelling me Doctor, in my hour of need does my shampoo do it for you?” His answer was a frustrate grunt as he swept her legs out from underneath her and began walking towards his Range Rover. She laid her head on his shoulder. “What are you doing out here Jasper?”
“My cabin is out here, I was on my way out when I saw your ridiculous purple car kiss that tree.”
“Out where?” He opened his passenger door and placed Clare inside, gently reaching across to buckle her seat belt.
“You have a lot of questions for someone whose car was just totaled.”
“She’s not totaled just beat up a little.”
Jasper smiled at her and closed the door; she followed him with her eyes as he walked around the hood of the car.
“How’s your neck?”
“A bit sore.”
He reached over and put a hand on her face, tenderly ran his thumb along her cheek bone. “Let’s get you home.”
But as he pulled away from the side of the road he turned the car towards the dead end. Apparently by home, he had meant his.

Clare knew she had to bite the bullet and call her sister because there weren’t many purple Saturn’s on the island and if word got back to Maeve that one was wrapped around a tree she would freak out.
“I’m fine Maeve, honestly. Jasper’s taking good care of me. He had Dr. Houston come out. He paid him in cash…” She whispered into the receiver.
“Maybe I should come and get you Clare…”
“No, I’m fine. Honestly. Dr. Houston said I’m not allowed to sleep until after midnight and I would just be a distraction at the house. I’ll just stay here on the couch.”
“Sure you will. Where’s your car?”
“Jasper had Frank tow it to his shop.” There was a long silence on the line. “Maeve I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. Goodbye dear sister.”
That was the greatest part about their months on the island, they’d come to a place were a few words could fix anything.

Maeve looked out over the harbor and couldn’t help but wonder what was unfolding in Jasper’s little cabin right now. Of all people to find her, it had to be him. Fate works in very funny ways.
The sun was beginning to turn the sky shades of peach and yellow and Maeve knew it was time to go. This wasn’t where she was meant to be.
Moving here had been a mistake, this wasn’t the right thing for her to do right now.
When Clare came down off her back in love with Jasper high she would break the news to her. Explain that even though she was having an amazing time and that she loved her very much, it hurt to much to be here now. She had romanticized what would happen and as usual it didn’t turn out at all as it should have. She would tell Clare that if she could wish one thing for her it would be that she would stop closing herself off from really feeling things and that she would never get to 28 without being in love. Or hell without being in a real relationship.
It had been a huge mistake to come here and by the end of the week, maybe two, Maeve would fix it.

Chapter 20                                                                                                                             

“My sister’s worried you’re going to take advantage of me in my weakened state.” Clare walked into the kitchen and leaned across the island counter.
“Obviously she doesn’t know you very well if she isn’t worried about me.”
“Huh. Maybe that is what she meant.” A broad smile spread across her face. “That smells delicious, when can I get some of that.”
“When you go lay down on the couch instead of making me nervous by teetering on the counter like that.”
“What a grouch.”
Clare turned and walked back into the living room. “You’ve got a nice place here captain.” It was the first time since he’d carried her inside that Clare actually noticed the cabin. Yet that wasn’t the right word for it, lodge was more the word.
The front door opened to a lofted ceiling living space. A huge stone fire place divided the kitchen from the chocolate leather couches and huge corduroy chair. She ran her fingers along the top of the couch and looked at the art work that hung on the walls. Not what you would expect for a lodge in the woods of Maine. Beautiful landscapes with just a hint of darkness. The particular one that caught her eyes was of a bright field, stretched in front of a dark forest. The colors contradicted one another entirely, the green of the field was cheerful, almost calming. But when you looked up into the woods behind it you felt despair, not quite able to see between the trees, but at the same time you knew there was something there.
Just then he walked up behind her, she smelled the tray of breakfast food before she heard his steps. Clare turned and threw herself onto the large corduroy chair.
“Could you be a little more delicate with that, it is one of a kind and it’s been through quite a lot.”
“Oops, it is?! Sorry.” She patted the cushions.
“I wasn’t referring to the furniture.” Jasper placed the tray of eggs, bacon and toast on her lap.
“Suave.”
“Thank you.” He sat down across from her on one the leather couch. “So would you like to tell me what you were doing today, far out from civilization driving like a maniac?”
“Well…” Clare’s mouth was full; it felt like she hadn’t eaten in days. Had she? “I was looking for something.”
“Which was?”
Clare stopped chewing and watched the floor, as if the answer to the question would change.
“I’m not sure.”
The weight in her words let Jasper know not to push and Clare finished her food in silence. He stood and took her plate to the sink. She watched him walk away; their playful afternoon had taken a turn with three words. Why did Jasper always brought out the honest side of her?
Clare always told the truth, when it came to other people. Yes that dress does make your ass look big, no I don’t think you should marry your boyfriend, you do know that you’re an asshole right? But she rarely told the truth about herself, about what was going on in her own mind.
When he came back into the room she sat just as she had when he left. Cross legged at the edge of the chair.
He crossed the room, climbing onto the chair behind her. With no hesitation he lifted Clare onto his lap and she curled against him.
“No sleeping,” he whispered into her hair.
“Not going to be a problem.” She breathed in his scent. Having no idea what designer name it was, she loved it, had loved it since the first time she’d met him. They lay together like that, not using words, but communicating completely what the other was thinking.
The room began to darken as the sun snuck down behind the trees.
She turned her face up towards his and kissed his neck. It seemed natural, like she’d been doing it for years.
Jasper looked down at her and there eyes met.
“How did you find me?” she asked.
“I was just leaving on an errand…”
“No. I don’t mean… never mind.” Clare pulled away. “I think I’d like some tea, do you think we could make some tea?”
“Clare,” he held onto her hand and waited until she turned back to face him to answer her question. “I don’t know. Why are you scared of me?”
“I’m not scar… I mean, why would I be…? What are you…?” She scoffed.
“Let me ask you something else then. What are you waiting for?”
“I’m…” She did know the answer to that, but she didn’t know if she was ready to tell him. She didn’t know whether she was willing to tell Jasper that she was waiting for him to be disappointed and decide she wasn’t worth it. That in him, she often saw her mother.  A mother who never thought she was good enough. A mother who she was constantly trying to impress, that she was the stereotypical girl with issues.
“Sometimes I wish you would just be honest with me.” Jasper finally spoke up.
“I am honest with you. That’s the problem, that’s why I can’t talk right now. Because when I open my mouth, there’s no stopping the fact that you’re going to find out the truth.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that”
“There’s so much wrong with that Jasper!” Clare felt the verbal throw up. Could she keep it in, should she? She got up and crossed to the fire place. As she picked at the stones she looked over at him. He was looking at her in a way that no man ever had. Like there was no mistake big enough and no matter what she said right now he wasn’t going anywhere, for the time being anyway. “Whenever I’m with you I wait, I wait for you to see that I’m not what you think. I’m just a girl who likes to take pictures and will never amount to more. My sister thinks that I’m here to build my portfolio. I’m not. I’m here because I know what I am and I know what I’m worth…”
“Which is?” He interrupted her rant.
“What do you mean?”
“What do you think you’re worth Clare?”
The question was a surprise, mostly because she didn’t want to answer it. Answering this question aloud would make it real, that the thoughts that danced around her head were really what she believed.
“Because I have some input on that.” Jasper stood up but didn’t move from in front of the chair. “I can see you, who you think you are and who you are. You make me laugh when you mean to make me angry and when I should be angry. You glow when you’re taking pictures, which I believe is the reason your photos are so beautiful, because you believe them to be. You also bite your lip when you’re concentrating too hard, like right now. And even though you’re the younger sister, you believe it’s your duty to protect Maeve. You think you’re not worth what I’m feeling, but I whole heartedly disagree. I’ve only known you a few months but you’re worth this.”
The sun was completely gone before either of them moved; the room was barely lit by the light above the stove from the next room. Finally he walked to the fireplace, opened the grate and began to build the fire.
“Do you believe me Clare?” he didn’t acknowledge the fact that she was a mere foot away; it was as if he were asking her through a telephone. He finished with the fire and turned to face her. “Clare?”
“I don’t know.”
“You will.” The statement was a fact. “Tea?”
And he left her alone in front of the fire.
“Jasper.” The quick intake of air that was his name made him turn. Clare stood in the passage way between the darkness of the living room and the light from the kitchen.
He flicked off the burner, leaning both arms on either side of the stove.
“Come here.” There was heat in his voice.
“No.” His direct order snapped her out of whatever it was she had been in and Clare had no intentions of taking orders. “I think you should come here.”
He crossed to her in seconds enveloping her in his arms, holding her against him tighter than before. Clare buried her face in his shoulder.
“I’m just not used to this. You’ll have to be patient.”
“What exactly do you call what I’ve been doing?” he pushed her slightly away and looked down at her. “That’s what happens when you date men instead of boys.”
“I think I’m learning that. Pick me up.” At her request Jasper lifted her off the floor and she wrapped her legs around his waist, nipped at his lower lip.
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine.”
“Good. Let’s go to bed.” He began to walk towards the stairs along the back wall.
“I’m not allowed to sleep.”
“Who said anything about sleeping?”

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