Dockside
By: Janice McCrostie
Chapter 17
When she woke up the next morning the sun wasn’t even up yet. At first Maeve didn’t know what it was that woke her, but then she realized it was because Keaten was gone. She groped for him in the dark, but he was no longer in the bed.
Even though she tried to fight it, panic set in. He’d had a coyote ugly, that wasn’t even a real coyote ugly because they hadn’t slept together. Maeve sat up, had they?
The night began to meld together, they had absolutely been close. She groped at her chest, shirt still there. They hadn’t had sex, then why did she feel so much regret? And where the hell was Keaten?
Maeve moved to the edge of the bed and began pulling her legs out from the sheets. The door cracked open and a ray of light fell across the bed.
“Where are you going?” Keaten crept into the room, when he clicked off the hallway light they were plunged back into darkness.
“I, just, was…”she stuttered.
He climbed back into the bed and pulled her back up onto the pillows. “I never sleep in so you better bet that you’re staying.”
“Oh.” Maeve felt her nose rub up against his cheek but couldn’t see him. Instinctively she covered her mouth for fear of morning breath. “Where did you go then?” It came out muffled and he began to laugh.
“I had to get Jackson
“Oh.” She said again, through her fingers.
Keaten pulled her hand from her mouth and kissed her gently. “It’s early…”
“How early?” she interrupted.
“A time I’m not sure you’ve seen before.”
“Try me.”
“Quarter to five.”
“And Jackson
“He eats breakfast with Pops at the diner on Friday mornings.”
“And for the record,” Maeve sat up as far as his arms would let he. “I used to get up at every morning and go running, thank you very much.”
Before she could get another word out he had her underneath him, laughing the whole time. He began kissing her neck, but that didn’t shake her resolve.
“You may not believe it now with all my bootyliscious curves.”
That did it, Keaten was laughing so hard he had to stop the seduction. “Did you just say booty-whatever?”
“Heck yeah I did.” They were wrestling around like five year olds, cracking up at a move that almost knocked Keaten off the bed and apologizing when Maeve actually knocked him in the nose. They were tangled up in one another, unable to get enough, the way that new couples acted.
They rolled around for a while until both were worn out again and she laid her head against his chest. He breathed in deep and she could hear his heartbeat.
Both of them drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours, finally Maeve realized it was inching towards 9 am.
“We should get up.” She whispered into the sheets.
“I haven’t stayed in bed this late since high school.”
“It’s a bad habit.”
“Once in a while wont kill you.” His hand walked it’s way across her stomach and settled in the middle.
She looked at him then, the natural feeling warm on her skin. “This is kind of crazy, isn’t it? Kind of fast?”
“Maeve I think this has been coming on for a while.”
“Yeah but I’ve only been back up here a month, Jackson
“Jackson
“How do you know?” she bit back.
“He’s my son.”
“I don’t think that he is.”
“It’s really none…” Keaten stopped himself, but she knew what he was going to say.
Maeve wanted to scream, how the hell did he expect to start this unless he planned on finishing it? There was no way that they were going to become a “we” unless he was prepared to let her in completely. And if he was going to keep Jackson Jackson
Then it happened, Maeve felt it, everything she had been counting on for the past twenty four hours, the past few months, fell apart. Things changed so abruptly, Maeve should have been used to that by now and yet it still stung. Keaten didn’t want her to take on that roll with his son, he wanted a lover not a wife. Which was fine for someone else but not for her. This wasn’t going to work.
She rolled to the edge of the bed.
“Don’t go.”
Maeve breathed in, slow and deep.
“Keaten, if this happens, it’s got to happen. With you, I’m not looking for sleepovers and sex until the next thing comes along. Obviously Jackson
She stood and left the room. Keaten’s head dropped. “You don’t know anything.”
She only woke up because her mouth was suddenly filled with the taste of plant. Opening her eyes Clare realized it was because she had rolled over and taken a huge bite out of the lawn.
“Nice.” she squinted at the sun as she pushed herself up.
“I was thinking it was rather ridiculous myself.”
Through her morning eyes Clare noticed Jasper sitting on the stairs of the porch.
“Morning star shine.” She rubbed her eyes and climbed to her feet. “What time is it?”
“After nine.”
“Damn.” She took the coffee from his hand and sipped. It was only then that she noticed how angry his face looked. “What?”
“Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
Without dignifying him with an answer Clare swept passed him into the house.
“Clare?” he followed. “I asked you a question.”
She whirled on him. “Please don’t speak to me like I’m a child, though I could be yours. Hmm.”
“If you’d like me to treat you like an adult please don’t say things that make it impossible.”
Clare stuttered over the appropriate response. And finding none simply turned and walked into the kitchen and began fixing more coffee. “Fresh cup?”
“Clare.” He was indignant.
“Seriously right now? Seriously? You really think that I thought to myself ‘I have an excellent plan, let’s go sleep out in the yard!’ No, actually, I was taking pictures and I must have fallen asleep out there.” She held up her camera that was still safely strapped around her neck.
“You have no idea…”
“Actually I do. Everyone on this island is in bed by . Besides an achy back, I‘m fine.”
Clare marched out of the kitchen and headed towards the bathroom, she seriously needed a shower after sleeping in the wild.
Jasper wasn’t far behind. “I just can’t believe you would be that irresponsible.”
She turned on him, her tiny stature suddenly huge when framed in the door. There were a lot of things that she wanted to say to him, but only one came out.
“I think you should go.”
“Clare.” His voice was suddenly calm, as if he knew he had awakened a sleeping tiger. “Please don’t, I worry about you.”
“Don’t.”
Through the slammed door she could hear him muttering one thing or another, but she just turned on the water and tuned him out.
The house was eerily quiet when Maeve got in. She stumbled to the kitchen and found an abandoned attempt at making coffee. That was when she heard the shower running upstairs, but what would have stopped her sister mid brew? She got the pot going then headed upstairs.
When Maeve came around the banister she stopped short. Sitting on the top of the stairs was Clare’s boy Jasper with his head in his hands.
“Hello.”
“Has your sister always been this difficult?” He didn’t even look up as he said it.
She climbed to the top step and sat down next to him. “Pretty much in-vitro.”
When he finally looked up Maeve felt bad for him. His face had a mix of anger and pure defeat.
“She fell asleep on the lawn! How utterly irresponsible…”
“You didn’t say that to her did you?” Maeve interrupted.
Jasper stared blankly at her. Maeve glared at him, why do men always choose the exact right thing to cut a woman down.
“Not the right thing to say bucko.” She stood up and patted his knee. “Do you want some coffee?”
When the two were settled on the porch with hot cups of coffee Jasper decided it was ok to ask Maeve what she had meant. Before he had a chance she jumped in.
“I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say that you’ve never been the black sheep in your family.”
“No.”
“Well when you spend your whole life defending your differences from your own family, it can be really difficult to turn that off.”
Maeve looked over at him now and she could tell that he was in it. Trying to figure out what she had said, even though it really wasn’t that confusing. When you haven’t had experience with a disapproving parent it can be hard to digest.
They sat out there for a while. Maeve liked how it felt to just sit with someone without talking. In fact she realized that this was the first time she had really spoken to Jasper since he had started his relationship with her sister. Clare usually had him locked away up in her room.
“Jasper, I’m not trying to make excuses for my sister’s completely irrational behavior. Love her lots, but she flies off the handle at the smallest thing. But just realize that it’s terribly difficult to handle criticism from someone who…” she stopped. What she wanted to say was ‘someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally’ but she didn’t want to freak him out.
“I get it,” he stopped her and when she looked over he was watching her with a quizzical brow. “Maeve, I feel as though I would be more aptly matched with you.”
They both laughed, because they knew it was the truth. Maeve owned tights and business suits and her hair had never been more then one color at once.
“I guess you can’t help who you love.” She used that word when she hadn’t meant to.
Jasper didn’t seem to notice. “No, I guess you can’t.”
Maeve looked over at Jasper and realized by the look on his face that he really had fallen, whole heartedly for her sister. It was an incredibly great feeling, knowing that there was someone like him that would take care of Clare. And at the same time she was jealous, because Jasper wasn’t afraid to say how he really felt. And he wasn’t afraid to go head first into something he wasn’t sure of. He was willing to give everything to Clare without knowing what the outcome would be.
So that’s where he and Clare matched in being completely reckless with what is appropriate. They’ve known each other for less then three months but for Jasper, he was going all in.
“Is she going to forgive me for this?” When he spoke he pulled Maeve out of her envy coma.
“Honestly? I don’t know.” She stood and put a hand on his shoulder. “Clare and I are treading new waters ourselves.”
She left him on the porch and when she was safely inside her room, let out the breath she had been holding. There was no more room for games or mixed words. Clare and Jasper had no idea how lucky they were, if they fucked things up there was no little heart to be broken. And somehow, Maeve already loved that little heart.
Chapter 18
Clare was pissed when she opened the bathroom door to find Jasper bracing himself across the jam. Mostly because it was extremely difficult to look like a livid woman when your head is twisted in a hair genie and you have a towel the size of a napkin wrapped around your body. She thought about slamming the door in his face but realized it would be fruitless.
“I’m sorry I called you irresponsible, it was a poor choice of words.”
“Stop doing that.”
Clare pushed past him into her room, she hated how he would just say what he knew she needed to hear in order to get what he wanted. He always knew and he manipulated her to suit himself. No one was that reasonable.
Jasper sat on the edge of her bed as Clare dried her legs and began to put lotion on them. The whole scenario pissed her off even more because he should be turned on by that, not looking like a shamed puppy.
“Jasper I think you should just go,” she said it with the right edge, but the next words just spilled out. “This isn’t going to work out.”
She didn’t look at him, a part of her knew that she couldn’t. Because if she did she would just start crying and then he would think she didn’t mean what she was saying. But in this past hour things had become irrevocably clear. Jasper Clay and Clare Mac Ardle were not good for one another. Their worlds were not that different, he was upper class and she had grown up in something like that. She knew the country clubs and the high end restaurants and the coming out balls for baby cousins would never accept her purple hair.
This didn’t feel right anymore, it had her all twisted inside. It had been fun at the beginning, but now it just felt like work. Whatever this was made her head shift gears and her heart ache and it wasn’t worth it anymore. This wasn’t who she was, this wasn’t what she wanted, feeling this way wasn‘t what she deserved.
He didn’t say anything, but she heard the door close behind him. The minute it clicked shut Clare’s legs gave out and as she fell to her knees she drug in a deep breath. It felt cold and sharp. He was gone and if she was lucky, Clare would never have to see him, or feel this again.
Later that day Maeve sat down at her computer and opened the document with all her ideas in it. Since arriving on the island she had found it really difficult to write, but today, with a bruised heart, seemed like a good time to start.
She scanned her ideas, hoping that one would pop out to her. None did.
So she opened a fresh document and began to write, starting with the first memory she had of the island. She couldn’t have been more than two or three years old and the seven of them were on Cove Beach
Maeve and Keaten had run around playing with sea shells and rotten sea weed. At some point they ended up soaking wet in the icy cold water. Her mother had come screaming down the shore, but Keaten’s mom and sauntered down, carrying a towel and making fun of them all.
The towel wrapped around them both, instantly warming both children.
Even her first memory included him.
With those first few paragraphs Maeve knew that this was the story she was meant to tell, her story. Unfortunately there was no conventional happy ending for Maeve and Keaten.
But from that, she intended on getting one hell of a story. It was time for Maeve to be less conventional anyway.
It was Monday and Jasper’s parents had gone home days before. But Clare still hadn’t heard from him. She kept telling herself that she didn’t expect him to call or show up at the house, but she did.
Over the last few days she’d drowned herself in work, at the hotel and in her photography.
She had taken her camera to the local bar, which coincidentally was attached to the same restaurant where Clare had met Jasper’s family.
While there she got some good pictures and met some good friends. They became such good friends that Clare had to call her sister to get home.
The cold beer just seemed to help her forget how much she missed Jasper, against her better judgment. It didn’t matter how well she distracted herself, Clare couldn’t deny that there was a part of her that was aching for him, a part that she needed to learn to suppress.
On Sunday, when she developed her pictures from the night before and found that some were usable and some not, Clare decided that she would turn over the best of her shots from the last few months to Jasper for his book.
She’d promised them to him anyway, that was the only thing she ever promised him.
So if there was anyway that she could keep the one promise she did give him, she would. There had to be some part of Clare that was stable, and that seemed the simplest. She would continue taking photos through the summer then provide Jasper with the best ones. Now getting those photos to him would be the interesting part.
Two weeks later Maeve still had not seen Keaten and she was rather happy about it. In her limited experience with men and her vast experience with heartache, she found that absence made the heart heal faster. She wasn’t ready to dance and sing around the shop, but she was feeling a little lighter. And when Estelle cracked a joke about Bible thumpers, Maeve actually laughed.
“Now that’s the first time I’ve seen that smile in a long time.”
Maeve looked up shocked. She didn’t think that Estelle had notice her melancholy behavior, as her jiving and barking of orders hadn’t let up at all over the past weeks. The next question surprised her even more.
“You doing alright?”
She didn’t know what to say, it‘s amazing how word gets around a small town. In a month she and Keaten had built up a reputation in town that it took minutes to tear down.
Maeve knew she didn’t have much time with Estelle though; this window of communication would not stay open for long.
“I’m doing fine,” she said. Estelle scoffed at her use of the word.
“Fine. I’ve never met a woman in my life who was fine.” She leaned over and patted Maeve’s hand. “If he didn’t lie, cheat or steal then it’s not worth that look on your face.”
“It’s complicated,” Maeve began.
“Why? Because of the boy? Because of the years?” Estelle’s wise eyes watched her from across a pile of old books. “If I know anything it’s that Jackson
She smacked her hand down a little bit harder on top of Maeve’s. “Now I’m tired and I’m going home.”
Estelle walked out of the store leaving Maeve to soak in all that she had said in her few short words. It was the most Estelle had ever really said to Maeve and it was good advice from someone who didn’t know the whole situation, the past.
Could Estelle be right? The years didn’t matter? All that mattered was that they were right for each other now?
The entire situation was more then Maeve was willing to put up with. Two weeks was enough to help her see that she was done with Keaten McGuire and his crap.
“Maeve.” The little voice snapped her out of her self diagnosed funk. She turned to see Jackson
“Hey buddy, what’s up? Looking for some gum?”
“No.” He shuffled her feet. This had been the moment she was most worried about.
“What can I do for you?”
“Well.” He paused for a long time, but if Maeve knew one thing about kids it was that you don’t interrupt them when they have something important to say. “Well my dad really misses you. He doesn’t say it, but he’s always moping around and he wines all the time.”
She smiled, but didn’t respond. His simple explanation of how his father was acting kind of made her laugh.
“It’s kind of been since that day we went out to an island. I don’t know, I…”
This pause needed some prompting. “You what?”
“I thought we had a good time!” She could sense he was a little angry with her. “I mean, I had a lot of fun, with you. And I know my dad did too and then you were just gone.”
Maeve took in a deep breath. Had she abandoned Jackson
“Jackson
“But I’m talking to you.” He was a lot smarter than he looked this little one.
“Ok. That’s fair.” How could she explain this to him without breaking the unspoken parental code? She’d have to give it her best shot. “Did you know that I’ve known your dad for a really long time? Like a really long, long time?”
“Duh, his boats named after you.”
The look on Maeve’s face must have shown that this was information she wasn’t privy to.
“Sorry.” Was all he said.
“Uhh” she carried on, pretending to not be as surprised as she was. “We knew each other even before he knew your mom, so that’s where it gets complicated.”
“I guess I just don’t get it.”
“What?”
“If you make him happy and he makes you happy, why can’t you be happy together?”
That was a very good question.
Her portfolio was coming along better then she’d expected. Ever since all of her distractions were gone, Clare buried herself in her work. Any time that she was not at work, was spent taking photographs. She’d made friends with the majority of the fisherman and had even won over some of the women on the island, and her photos were compiled of more people then usual.
Comparing the pictures that she had taken over the past few months with the ones she had taken recently, Clare couldn’t help but notice the difference. Her pictures were back to how they’d been before. Dull and lacking a voice, lacking breath. But she refused to think what she had started to think.
This could not be because of Jasper. That was a ridiculous notion. No person could change you inner make up so much that it affected your art.
She leaned on the rock wall and chewed at her thumb, she’d never bit her nails before. It must be an unfortunate side effect of thinking too much.
“Hey Clare.” Mike pulled her out of her coma.
“Hi there Mike, how goes it?”
“It’s good, you?” His voice had that pity that was really difficult for men to disguise. Grandma must have told him that she needed male attention, which she did not.
“I’m great, why do you ask it like that?”
“Oh for no reason.” If a grown man could look like an eight year old who just hit their sister, Mike did right now.
“I’m sure.” Clare tried her hardest to not give him attitude, but it was hard considering she wanted to smack him, then drive to Gram’s and smack her too.
Mike didn’t really say anything after that, it was just one of those long awkward silences that were even worse because you don’t really know the person. He finally broke it.
“Well you know if there’s anything that you ever needed to talk about you could talk to me, or your grandma.”
“Yeah I know.” He was trying. “Thanks Mike.”
Then she remembered something that he could do for her. “Mike, could you drop something off at, ummm, a friend’s for me?”
Clare ran to the trunk of her car and pulled out a manila envelope, inside were the photos throughout the harbor and the town she had taken over her months with Jaspers. That’s what he had seen, so she knew that’s what he had wanted for his book. She pulled open the envelope to make sure the post it was still affixed to the front, ‘Hope these are what you were looking for. If they are, they’re yours.’
“You know where Jasper lives?”
“I do, he rents Moe Haggert’s place.”
“Awesome. Can you get these to him?”
When he walked away Clare felt utterly pathetic, now her Grandmother’s boyfriend was checking up on her and she was sending him on errands. It felt gross somehow.
She scanned through the digital pictures she’d taken that day, only 50 or so. Without taking a second look at them she deleted the entire lot. Something had to change.
Maeve’s phone rang as she closed her car door. Balancing her grocery bag in one arm she dug through her purse, she flipped it open without looking at the caller ID.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” He had slipped in under her radar.
“Hi.” A nice long awkward silence followed. “Is there something you need Keaten?”
“Nope.”
He said it so matter of fact that it got her blood boiling. Then the temperature of the phone call changed suddenly.
"Can I see you?” This time the words flowed out of his mouth with a feeling that Maeve couldn't quite put her finger on.
"Why?" It was a knee jerk response, what was the logic behind his wanting to see her? Besides an argument that could be avoided because it didn't need to happen.
"You know Maeve, you're really starting to piss me off."
"How could I piss you off!? We haven't spoken in weeks."
"Yeah and the whole time I've been pissed off!"
Maeve rolled her eyes and switched the weight of her feet, suddenly realizing that one of the eggs she had bought at the store had busted and was leaking through her bag all over her clothes.
"Damnit! Keaten I really have to go."
"What is your problem?"
She pushed open the door with her butt and ran into the kitchen. What was it about men that they didn't take clues and kept pushing?
"What’s my problem?" This really wasn't a conversation she wanted to have over the phone, it really wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have at all. But considering the alternative of seeing him would cause a sharp pain in her heart, Maeve had no other choice. “I don’t appreciate you sending your son to do your dirty work. If I want to be your friend, Keaten, I’ll be your friend. Conning me with your son isn’t fair.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Sending him to talk to me, he’s cute but it really just annoyed me more than anything.”
“I didn’t send Jackson
Maeve could tell by the slight vibration in his voice that he was telling the truth.
“Then I think you should talk to him because he knows something is up with you.”
“What did you say to him?”
She took a deep breath in, this defensive attitude was the exact reason this would never work.
Maeve took a deep breath. “Just that you an I are old friends with many complications.”
He laughed into the phone. “You’re ridiculous.”
She was done with his petty crap, yet again. It always seemed that her opinion was the “ridiculous” one, when he had grandiose plans that would be impossible to execute.
“Just leave me alone Keaten.”
The was the wrong thing to say, because he came back with a vengeance.
"Why do you keep treating me like I'm that other guy? I'm not going to leave you high and dry. I would never do what he did to you."
That stopped her dead in her tracks. She dropped the bag on the kitchen table with a complete disregard for the remaining eggs, "What other guy?
"What's his name, Sam? I know he screwed you over but..."
"Shut up." It came out like a bite, fast and vicious. "How dare you McGuire, you've no fucking right to bring up shit you know nothing about! You come crawling back into my life and expect me to open every door, while you keep me locked out of the most important parts of yours. Well I call bullshit on your ass, you're no different than 8 years ago. You play your games and you walk your walk but you're still the same cocky kid. I'm done with this shit, done!" She could feel the burning in the back of her throat as she clicked her phone shut.
There was more that she had wanted to say, more that the smug asshole needed to hear. But he didn't get the satisfaction of knowing he'd made her cry.
After putting the groceries, and what was left of the eggs away, Maeve stormed back out of the house. Usually cleaning help clear her head, but there was something she had to do before that would happen. She had to go kill her sister.
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